#6 - Legendary: A quandry.

Steve Jobs. Walt Disney. Adolf Hitler. What do all these people have in common?

History remembers them as being 'Great men' who achieved great things, but the people who had to work directly with them remember them differently than we do.

(For the record, I also would have accepted: "They're in that picture up there.")

REGARDING HITLER: Some people would state that Hitler was not a 'Great man'. That is the very essence of this article. Certainly, he was a terrible person with horrific worldviews - but he was still a Great man. See, 'Great' in this context doesn't mean 'awesome' or 'admirable'. It simply means 'large, or massive'. That's why WWI was called the 'Great War', back in the day - it would be the same as calling a war a 'Mass War' nowadays. Or a 'World War', you see? Not an 'awesome and fun' war - but a huge and gigantic one, larger than had ever been seen before on Earth. This is the context (and dare I say, the only one) in which Hitler can be called a 'Great man' - he influenced world events on a large scale, larger than most men do.

Now that we're satisfied that we're not being tricked into reading an anti-semitic diatribe, let's continue on.

"I'm Mel Gibson, and contrary to popular belief: I'm fine with that."

This article will be a study of Greatness. Fame is fleeting (just ask Mara Wilson), but to aspire to Greatness is to aspire to be Legendary. The concept of Legend is the closest thing that we currently have to actual immortality . Some might say "My soul is immortal" (for whatever reason), this is a personal choice. But it's not something we can actually work with, is it? We don't ask murdered people how they died, for instance. It's simply just not practical. No matter how much you believe in an afterlife (which is, of course, your right), this article is mainly concerned with things that we can notice and see (and therefore test) for ourselves. If you already think you're right, you'll not be open to new and more modern ideas.

Now that we're satisfied that fey esoterica will not be our framework, let's continue on.

For instance, some people believe that Unicorn Fish are real.
What a bunch of chumps.

This is the way in which I mean that immortality can be found in Legend - it sure can't be found in a manner that lets you survive AND interact with others. People do not forget you when you're Legend - that's kind of the definition of it. We might like the theme music to our favourite TV show, but we don't know who wrote it usually, unless we research it. (Also, the answer is probably Danny Elfman.) We may not actually approve of Hitler's actions when he was alive - but we know his name, because he is a Legendary figure. A figurehead. A moral marker (as in a 'line to never cross again') in the world. A great man.

We may not approve of him, but we know his name. People sometimes say: "I would kill to be famous". That's not how fame works. Killing gains you 'infamy', not 'fame'. We know Hitler's name, but when is Hitler Day? We don't celebrate his 'greatness', we merely learn from it. Sadly, some of us also use it as justification for lazy thinking about 'Ze Germans': 

"You're German. I just assumed you hated Jews and Blacks, because I get my thoughts from stuff that happened 80 years ago. Sorry about that! Let me buy you a beer. Um...so what do Germans drink? Heineken? No? Heineken are Dutch? DON'T SO BE DIFFICULT! Shut up and have a Fosters like all us Aussies do."

(See what I did there?)

In their song 'Just A Man', Faith No More tells us that Man:

"...was born to love - 

Though often he has sought 

Like Icarus, to fly too high -  

And far too lonely than he ought 

To kiss the sun of east and west 

And hold the world at his behest - 

To hold the terrible power 

To whom only gods are blessed - 

But me, I am just a man."

"...the terrible power to whom only gods are blessed..." - I think that says it all.

Mike Patton: ACTUAL God of Vocals

On the same album/release 'King For A Day', the song 'Star AD' Tells us that:

"...dying is dry - 

like a fact of history 

And when you die, you'll become 

something worse than dead -

You'll become 

A Legend."

Worse than dead - A Legend!

Why is being a Legend worse than being dead? Because we all treat 'legends' differently. Some of us hate because of legends, some of us love because of legends. It's ultimately a personal thing.

Judging by this picture, I would guess that Cpt. Cook was also a pimp.

The Legend of Captain Cook.

When I was at school, I was told that Captain Cook came over here with his ships, and colonized Australia. This completely floored me (having been raised as an Aboriginal due to my racial heritage) because it made no sense at all. Here is a man that I was raised to believe was an Evil man, who led a pack of invaders with superior technology, to crush anything in their path and take any land that they could.

The thing is: These viewpoints are both correct AND true (assuming we remove the word 'Evil'). Sorry, but the First Fleet wasn't invited here (FACT),  Aboriginals were only recently allowed to even vote (FACT), and Aboriginals are STILL barely considered in the Australian Constitution (FACT). If you don't think that qualifies as 'invasion', then feel free to show me where I'm wrong. But it ultimately doesn't matter if we agree, it only matters that we understand each other.

Can I point out that we're having this conversation in English, because you live in Australia and don't speak any Aboriginal at all, even though many of us feel that 'people who come here should learn the language?' No? Because your ancestors are a Special Case? Okay, never mind then, Mr/s 'Special Case'. Whatever you say.

(Convict Descendants are the only ones who get a free pass here, for obvious reasons. If you were bought here as a kid, you've had your whole life to learn it. How'd you go?)

I really am sorry if you're offended by this, but like I say: FACTS. Also "Not your fault." But mainly: FACTS.
Having said that: We all have the right to live somewhere on Earth, surely.
THAT'S where I'm at personally - just sayin': You can't pretend this shit didn't happen, or we don't get to learn from it.

Point is: Depending on your view point, you may think of Captain Cook as a Hero or a Villain but his Legend exists - you can't argue with THAT. Which is actually kind of stupid - because he's recent enough that we don't NEED a legend - we have actual facts about his life.

When I found out (because researching things isn't illegal or even immoral, regardless of how scared people seem to be of it) that Cpt Cook actually didn't agree with his mission, but still did it anyway, I began to think of him less as an 'Invader', and more of a cog in the wheel, and man of duty/honour. THIS is why one could say that being a legend is worse than being dead - because simply 'being dead' will not create issues like this. Being a Legend means you're a figurehead, a moral marker.

Let me put it another way: Do any of us honestly believe that Jesus, as we understand him to be, would actually be happy with all the things done in his name?

Jesus, on the New Zealand leg of his world tour.

Of course not.

He'd be disgusted at the way we treat outsiders in general, because those were the people he hung out with. They were his friends. The 12 Disciples weren't all rich folk. Think on that, and realise that if he came back, you might not even hear of it - because of how we've used his words to justify evil behaviour in the past. Also, because we're just plain selfish now.

Exhibit A: The Good Samaritan.

Exhibit B: Current Australian Immigration laws.

I rest my case.

(If this doesn't do it for you, realise that us Westerners are bombing the living daylights out the areas in which he lived. That's probably not a good look for us, eh?)

The way I see it there are two main problems in the world, when it comes to perceptions of Great people:

1) We don't have Great men anymore. We have Philanthropic Entrepeneurs, or Dictators. We choose fame over ability. Think of a world famous musician. Now think of a world famous neurosurgeon. Which one saves more lives, and is of actual worth to society? Not the one you thought of, most likely. I know I didn't. Hell, I don't even know the names of ANY neurosurgeons.

2) The fact that the phrase "Great woman" sounds weird is just plain old sexist. We can discuss all the reasons why this is, but none of them explain why we can't change this in the future. It only sounds weird because we don't use it enough.

BUT WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT THESE TWO PROBLEMS?

Nothing, really. Just think about them. That's all we actually can do for now, I think. If you can think of a way to change stuff without being a dick about it, let me know. Because I sure can't.

Which I'm fine with, because I feel that the answers aren't anywhere near as important as the questions, at this stage.

This is pretty heavy stuff, so here is a picture of a kitten:

"Meow." - Fluffy, yesterday

I've been Paddy, and hope to remain that way for some time. NO PROMISES though.

(Liam 'Paddy' Padmore is a Tasmania-based madman who is probably old enough to know better, but whatever.)