Songwriting Notes: Hypernormalization (Part 1 of 2)

Change is inevitable.

But how do we measure change?

On a larger scale, it's easy to gauge: First, a plate is full of food. Later, it isn't. Over time the plate is cleared. But when does it go from 'full' to 'empty'? When is the exact moment that it happens? When someone starts eating? When they've finished? When the plate is less than 50% covered with food? When the plate is literally emtpy?

In other words: How do we measure small changes?

Very poorly.

Regardless of your age, think of your favourite treat, like a Mars bar or whatever. How much has the price changed in your lifetime? How many times did it rise before you stopped counting? How many times did it rise before you stopped caring? And a far better question: How many times did it rise BECAUSE you stopped caring?

Well, we have no way to know that, because it's a very complex question, but it's an interesting one.

If you're a smoker over 35 years of age, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

If you're a Left4Dead fan, you get this joke.
If not, don't worry - it's not that funny.

It brings to mind the thought experiment of Grandfather's Axe, which is NOT a paradox no matter how many different websites say it is.

Let's say your grandfather gives you an axe, because that's totally an appropriate gift for a grandchild.

Over time, the handle wears away, and you have to replace it.

The head is the original, but the handle is not.

Is it still your grandfather's axe?

What if the head is replaced? Then the axe contains no original parts at all.

Can it still be considered your grandfather's axe?

Thanks, Pop - just what I always wanted!

The reason that the thought experiment DOESN'T WORK, that nobody seems to mention, is that it ceased to be your grandfather's axe the MOMENT HE GAVE IT TO YOU.

All versions of it are YOUR axe.

Obviously, I am being a pedantic sophist.

But does that make me wrong?

And it is in the spirit of this that I state unequivocally that society is demonstrably evil, because the best versions of us have all been hypernormalised into being, at least partly, selfish version of ourselves. And it's getting worse. We're watching it get worse.

Or are people going to suddenly stop lying and making excuses about making money doing bullshit that they know is wrong?

I have been trying to figure out how to put that into words for years.

I thought I'd feel better once I did.

I don't.

So I wrote a song about it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

This song is BY FAR the most difficult thing I've ever laid down. Not the most frustrating, and not the most intricate, but definitely the most difficult.

See, this is where I started mixing my work differently with a new streamlined process. And thank Lemmy that I did, because otherwise I would probably STILL be going.

Here is how the process manifested itself on this song:

- write the song in FL Studio
- record the guitar parts for the acoustic version
- record the guitar parts for the electric version
- mixdown the acoustic version
- mixdown electric version
- crossfade both versions (i.e. fade the acoustic version out while the electric version fades in)

That's pretty complex, but that's not where the issue was.

For some reason I will never understand, the mixdowns are not indicative of their actual quality. So, you can add:

- listen to each and every single mixdown at least once, and make the necessary changes, then listen again.

Which is fine, because that's fun and doesn't get old super quick /sarcasm. Anyway, that means we need to add:

- mix every version until it's perfect, so that the crossfade works.

Now, there was an issue with both versions, where everything was perfect except the hihats were too loud.

By this point, I'd been doing the song and little else for 2 weeks, so I took a break because hypernormalisation itself is actually a very real issue when it comes to sound engineering. In other words, you get used to hearing the bad mix, so when you get the mix RIGHT, it sounds WRONG.

So, you need to add in:

- take a break for a week or so

But then when you get back, you're still in the exact same boat. But at least you can hear it with fresh ears. So, that brings us to:

- remix the hihats

Oh and look, now that's thrown all the frequencies out of whack, and you have to remix everything all over again, from scratch. Which eventually brings us back around to:

- remix the hihats again

DAMMIT I JUST DID THAT. Which brings us to:

- remix the whole thing again.

Look, I'm about a third of the way through this process. By now, it would have taken you longer to read about the song than to just listen to it. So I'll shorten the rest of the piece by summarising.

JUST PICK THE DAMN THING UP!
JUST RECORD THE DAMN SONG!
Meh.

- spend about 3 days on one bloody single instrument (the hihats)
- THEN DO ALL OF THAT ALL OVER AGAIN FOR THE ELECTRIC VERSION
- Then you have to worry about vocals, writing and recording
- Then you have to nearly get booted from your distributor for using the line 'All Too Easy' because some movie used it literally decades ago, even though the phrase doesn't contain trademarked words, isn't the damn song title (or even in the chorus at all) and you only use it once 
- remove the sample "Expect something fiercer, more cruel and deadly than anything that ever walked the earth" from the end, because that's actually fair enough because it's a literal audio sample lifted from the film, TARANTULA! which is still in copyright.
- ask if you can just say the line "Expect something fiercer, more cruel and deadly than anything that ever walked the earth" and be basically laughed at by your distributor. Because 'ya basic', I guess.
- write to both studios asking permission to use 'their' lines.
- wonder what happened to the 'making music' part of being a musician.
- realise that the studios won't reply to you because you're just some little pissant hobbyist musician.
- replace the line 'All Too Easy' with you saying "Cool, man - real cool"
- replace the TARANTULA! line with you saying 'Expect nothing' and stretch the sample out without appropriate defaults so it sounds 'interesting', and also fills up the same amount of space.
- realise it's well past the date you wanted to release it, and decide that nobody really cares anyway, and that all you wanted was proof you could produce the song at all.
- set it to launch on Jan 26th, thereby turning Jan 26th from 'a day you hate', into 'a day you can celebrate'. Everyone else can celebrate their lame thing, and you can celebrate your lame thing. Everybody wins!
- type up a whole long bunch of notes that very few people are ever going to read, because you're COMMITTED TO THIS THING NOW (tm)

In closing, the next song I release will be one acoustic guitar track, one vocal track, and MAYBE some harmonies and a lead break. MAYBE.

I think I've earnt that much.

Songwriting Notes: Hometown

Let's get something out into the open, straight away: I am allowed to hang shit on my hometown. You are not.

Unless you live there, of course.

It's like a younger relative, or whatever: YOU can mock them, because you know it comes from a place of love. But if anyone else mocks them, well...

I live in Devonport, Tasmania. Well, nobody really 'lives' there, but I digress.

There are bunch of people who don't think that Tasmanians are lazy and stupid. These people are 'the Tasmanian public'. Everyone else knows the truth.

That might sound harsh, but it's not. 

Isn't 'lazy and stupid' another way of saying 'don't waste time doing pointless crap if someone else will do it for you, and also let's not overthink it'?

Yes. Yes, it is.

That's how everyone else knows the truth about us.

Or, perhaps, the rest of the world is insane. Or perhaps they're just wrong.

All I know is that Tasmania is as beautiful as Queensland, but we're not the tourism capital of Aussie. We have just as much of an artistic presence as Melbourne or Sydney, except that, wait, no we don't, I got that wrong. We have as much TALENT as Melbourne or Sydney, talent that invariably moves interstate because Tasmanian society actively works against the arts.

Or have people stopped hiring Mp3-Jays for their lame social events, and started hiring ACTUAL fucking musicians again?

Whatever.

Anyway, I'm bored with this now.

Point is, the album art for the song 'Hometown' features Devonport's actual legit 'Piss Alley', as mentioned in the song.

Oh, and before anybody asks: You don't get a picture in this piece because I can't be bothered finding one. You'll live. Even worse, you might get used to it. Hey - that's the Devonport way, baby.

BONUS FACT: I use an 8-bit version of this song for the intros/outros/segues on my (currently rebranding) Strontium Dingo YouTube Channel.

Songwriting Notes: Final Transmission (Part 1 of 2)

This song is by far the quickest I've ever recorded, it was about 3 days from conception to release. The release was dragged out by the album art issues, but the song itself was easy to write. That's because it doesn't matter.

I wrote the type of music I did, because the song was for me. Hey, I've TRIED doing it the other way, writing stuff I thought people would like. That's not my journey, I guess. I spend years on a song (and I have on some of them) and people are just like 'meh'. Meanwhile, Nikki Azalea (or whoever) releases more turgid shit that they didn't even write and everyone loses their god damned mind.

Point is, the amount of effort you put into something is utterly meaningless to the consumer. That's the price of so-called 'glamour'.

I personally can't fucking stand the glamour of art, I think we tell each other more than enough lies already.

The music industry is literally Kayfabe.
THERE.
I SAID IT.

So, I wrote this song, with meaningless lyrics, and electro-style music that only I will like.

But the song only exists as a carrier for the morse code message. There's your fucking 'glamour'.

And I must have done okay at that, because most people I show it to just think it's a shitty electro song, and they don't even NOTICE the morse code until it's pointed out to them.

It is a shitty song - I'm fully aware of that, but I like it, and surely that counts for something.

But the message, the idea of the song, the comment I'm making about 'hidden signals' - THAT I fucking NAILED.  Also, the fact that others don't really dig on it is WHY IT WORKS. If people liked it, they'd listen better, and hear the morse code.

This is the first time I've been able to accurately take an idea and make it sound EXACTLY like I wanted.

Well, in any song that matters to ME. I mean, sure I've written lots of acoustic stuff that sounded like I wanted it to, but so what? Most guitarists can do that.

If you want to hear unimaginative crap, then try another artist, someone who peddles that kind of garbage.

Or just stick around here, I guess - I'm probably not going to be able to keep up this 'artistic integrity' bullshit up for long. ;)

Why I'm Not famous

I've actually had people ask me why I'm not famous for my music. However, it's usually asked by people that don't personally know me, which I think answers the question perfectly.

But let's examine it anyway.

Here is a poem that a former landlord wrote about me:

"My name's not Mick, and my name's not Seamus,
My name is Paddy, and I'm will never be famous."

Were I a different type of idiot, I would consider the idea that magic is real and that I had been literally and actually cursed.

Because I am the type of idiot that I am, I consider that absolute poppycock.

Hehe.

'cock'.

"What are you, 12? Jeez."

Also, I have no interest in maintaining a social media presence, I actively hate and avoid people because they suck at society which somehow means that I suck at society, I no longer perform and 'not releasing songs' is the only way I have to make sure I'm not bringing joy to racists and paedophiles, because, you know, fuck those guys.

So, basically, in reality, the actual answer is that I'm clearly way too impressed with myself to try and fit in with the current so-called 'entertainment' infrastructure because I never grew out of my teen angst "NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME" phase.

Further, I am quite possibly the living embodiment of the musical version of the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

But it MIGHT be because magic is real. You never know!

Hey - whatever, as long as it's not my fault...

-------------

All jokes aside, people have often said to me: "If I had your talent, I'd be rich."

I agree completely.

But, unfortunately for all concerned, I was the one given my talents, and I have weird rules about stuff (like 'not wanting terrible people to listen to my music'), so, it was ruined before it began.

Talent doesn't happen in a vacuum. Every artist is different, but my musical abilities have more to do with 'curiosity about patterns' than 'talent' or 'skill'. For instance, to this day I still can't shred ('play guitar really fast').

But I can tell you why another guitarist's shredwork is good or bad, using maths.

Just gonna leave this here for no reason at all...

THAT'S my talent. Finding the MATHS in music.

My talent isn't in 'replicating other people's songs'. I can do that, but why bother? It's not like I ever made money on it. Others can. I cannot.

My talent isn't in 'writing music that people want to hear'.

Those two things are why I will never be famous. Which suits me fine - when you're famous, you have to 'waste time staying famous' instead of 'creating the kind of work that made you famous', and people stop judging your work on its own merits.

I wanted to be famous when I was younger.

I honestly think that it would have destroyed me.

I would've had no incentive to have changed my personality in a manner that allows me to spend time with the few humans that I do want to spend time with. I could go on and on about that, but I won't.

Nowadays, I am grateful that I never even achieved local fame. The social responsibility that I always wanted to bring to the role, the one original thing I had to give, is par for the course now anyway.

That social responsibility, though.

I said before that I don't want to bring joy to racists and paedophiles, and that remains true.

But I don't have people like that in my life anymore, and seeing as it's most likely only my friends that will buy my music, well maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way.

So, I'll do it. I'll release stuff.

Just a random picture to break up the text. Do not overthink this.

You're looking for a metaphor, aren't you?

(sigh)  Next time, I'll just use a picture of some fluffy bunnies or something

But let's be 100% clear - I'm doing this for ME. I tried writing music that I thought other people would like, and they didn't.

I tried. For decades.

So, you can question and judge all sorts of shit about me if you want - but you cannot question my tenacity until you suck at something for 30+ years without quitting.

The only thing I ever 'quit' was performing. That wasn't 'lazy of me' that was 'a really stupid mistake to begin with'.

Or maybe it was lazy of me and I'm just delusional. That's certainly not impossible.

I just don't care anymore.

Final Transmission - Original Cover Art

What, do you want me to write 'Final Transmission' in bright blue crayon or something, stores?

This is the intended cover for my first single, Final Transmission.

The stores rejected it because 'it wasn't clearly titled'.

The title, Final Transmission is clearly written in Binary. Granted, that's not a common method of communication for humans, which is kind of the point of the song itself. Thematically, it is literally PERFECT. But I wasn't allowed to use it.

How does this restriction benefit the creator or the consumer?  I see no reason to blindly accept that there is any good reason for this anti-artistic nonsense, especially seeing that no good reason was given me. The reason was 'because the art was confusing, because it didn't have the title on it'.

Okay, but...seriously, who cares?

"Oh, I meant to buy the latest Nine Inch Nails album but I accidentally bought a Taylor Swift album instead, because neither of them had the name written in hot pink across the cover in Times New Roman" said nobody ever.

"I thought this song was called Final Transmission, not Hell Zero or Hello or whatever that's supposed to say, because I don't know how to read a store webpage properly" - also said by nobody ever.

So, essentially, the artwork was rejected "because 'reasons' or whatever".

Pffft.

Artistic restrictions should happen either 'due to circumstance' or 'artistic reasons'.

They should NOT happen because idiots wearing business suits want their life to be easy, or whatever their damn reasoning is, which I have no way of knowing, apart from "derp derp just shut up and do what we say derpa derp"

I have two choices: Change the art, or don't release the single.

Along with 'being creative in the so-called album art for my song', do you know what else I'm not allowed to do?

I'm not allowed to put a website address on it.

Yet, the actual store-sanctioned album art clearly displays the URL for this very page written in Binary, plain as day!

Now THAT'S art.

- Paddy

My distributors, DistroKid, are fantastic. My issue isn't with them, it's with the stores, so I wanted to make it clear that this post wasn't about them in ANY way.

GIGTALES 0: Why I quit performing in public.

Hey gang.

By now, it's pretty clear to (and totally okay by) me that it's only my close friends reading this.

I'm sorry I haven't contacted you since I left facebook. I still have all your phone numbers and email addys, which can be proved by the fact that I contacted you about this blog.

I don't want to talk about the last 25 years of performing, and why I quit. But some folks have asked for answers, and I don't want to initiate contact and then have to deal with this at all. Recording my thoughts here seems a valid compromise.

There are many reasons. Believe me, after I sorted it out I was surprised by the complexity of the issues involved (given my often simple approach to performing - 'turn up and do the job'.).

Here are some of the actual reasons I quit performing, culminating in the actual, bonafide, 100%, can't-turn-back-now, actual, honest-to-goodness solid-gold MAIN reason. While I don't want you to skip ahead to it, I can't stop you. Just know that it may require the others in order to be fully appreciated. 

IMPORTANT POINT: In this particular entry (apart from the paragraphs below), when I say 'you/your', I mean 'The General Public', not 'you, Dear Reader'.

So if I say "FUCK YOU FOR EVEN GOING THERE" I am not talking to you, I am expressing my thoughts towards the general public and their shitty attitude, which, as you're friends of mine and are not scum, doesn't actually include you. You may be offended by my attitude towards religion, but NOTHING AT ALL is directed towards YOU PERSONALLY. I just find it easier to express myself in this way, as though I'm actually there with you, for better or worse, speaking my mind, as the Paddy you know and uh...are kind of interested in what he has to say.

To make it clear: Anyone who's reading this probably is a supporter of mine, which means that you get a free pass for all this stuff anyway. I cannot make this clear enough - mainly because I speak quite freely below. Like I say: 'as though I'm actually there with you.'

For instance, I complain about how people didn't want to pay full price for my show. One of you INSISTED on paying full price when I offered a discount, so they can read that part and be proud. That's what I mean about free passes.

But let me make this doubly clear: I am not shitting on my supporters. If you think I am, you need to read the whole thing because you've only gotten a snippet of what I'm saying.

Okay, so don't get offended? We cool?

Cool.

Okay, this is HUGE. Take all the time you need, I won't be deleting it.

One last thing: You probably cannot read this and still maintain the same level of respect for me. That's MY fuckup, not YOURS, and I don't mean it in a "CAN YOU WATCH THIS WHOLE VIDEO CLIP?" kind of way. Because I finally remove the Paddy veil of shame and stupidity in order to let you see my true self, my inner workings - and they are found to be well and truly wanting. I would be lying if I said otherwise.

I am okay with this, because I am sick of pretending it's all other peoples fault. Some of it is, sure. Maybe. Probably.

I should just get on with it.

**************************************************************

"I'm Francis, and I hate audiences."

1. I had become abusive on stage.

There's some real fun to be had with someone who's either drunk, foolish, or brave enough (or a heady mix of all three!) to heckle an experienced performer.

Do you remember when you were a kid (or possibly even more recently) when someone insulted you (possibly in a friendly way) and you spent far too long thinking about what you could have said?

The French have a term for this: l'esprit d'escalier. It means 'staircase wit' - you think about the quip made at the dinner table, and finally create a worthy response far too late now because you've left the table and are now heading up to bed (via the staircase, see?). Germans also have a name for this: Treppenwitz.

A good performer has already anticipated most traditional heckles, and have appropriate (for their act) responses prepared. Rodney Dangerfield might have responded with:
'Wow, that's a great heckle buddy. Who wrote it for you?',
whereas Rodney Rude might say to the exact same heckle(r):
"Whatever mate, just get your mom to stop calling me, she's becoming a nuisance. All these guys down here in the front row agree with me, too."

So I naturally gravitated towards mom jokes, purely because they're simple and I've never truly understood humour. I then (d)evolved to dad jokes (not the bad-puns-dad-jokes, I mean mom-jokes-with-the-word-'dad'-instead-of-'mom'), then started even doing daughter and son jokes, because Australians desensitise way too quickly.

HEY, WAIT A FUCKING SECOND HERE.

What happened to the music in this equation? What happened to the meritocracy thing that Aussies say they're so proud of? What happened to just being able to play some fucking MUSIC and letting THAT be the show?

"OH BUT YOU'RE SO GOOD AT ENTERTAINING!" say all the sirens in my ear.

“DANGER! DANGER ! THERE IS SOMETHING VERY VERY WRONG HERE!” says the other type of siren in my ear, at a volume that would make a klaxon ashamed for not trying hard enough.

Then I realise that NEITHER kind of sirens are 'the good kind'.

Then I start to resent performing.

Then I start to resent hecklers, for they represent the total and utter lack of respect for local musicians that is currently and will probably always be en vogue. You know, unless you know them personally. Then they're okay. But all the other ones are lazy and shit, hey.

Then I stop having appropriate responses, because fuck everyone and their shitty attitudes. Perhaps this is a failing in me. I am above and beyond caring. I just know it HURTS, because I would rather be punished for being myself than be rewarded for being someone else. Which is kind of handy, because that's what's happening.

And then I should probably stop performing in general, because I'm not entertaining others any more, I'm entertaining ME. And I can do that at home WITHOUT being underpaid AND without being heckled AND without being made to feel like an unemployed piece of shit.

So now I let others entertain me. I've discovered heaps of awesome YouTube channels, none of them even remotely related to music, because FUCK THAT SHIT.

If you're curious about the things I said, just know that I can troll like a motherfucker. Hell, if you're reading this, you probably already know how sharp my tongue is. Let's just say that I could have been arrested and leave it there.

That was the exact moment that I stopped enjoying performing, because I realised that, for the most part, audiences had never been to see me bare my soul. They'd been to see me destroy it. Bonus points if I can take out a heckler while I'm at it.

What is this? RUNNING MAN? ROLLERBALL?

WHEN DID THIS BECOME OKAY?

But it had always been this way, hadn't it? I'd just never noticed, because I was too busy being obsessed with my assumed musical abilities. Nobody cares how good you are. Nobody cares if you practise. They care if you make them laugh. They don't want you to make them think. OH GOD NO WHAT IS THIS? SCHOOL? "Do you know Summer of '69?" people would ask me, while I was in the middle of singing 'War Pigs' or 'The Wall (Pt II)'.

**************************************************************

"Hi, I'm Paddy! I'm your friendly neighbourhood musician!" said Paddy, not knowing how things worked.

 

2. I realised that I had never actually understood the music scene to begin with.

I've spent more time in my so-called 'music career' playing bass guitar and doing back-up vocals for other people than I ever have on my own stuff. This is because I assumed the 'favours' would be repaid. What else can it be when someone that you know has a huge ego and is capable of bitching lead guitar (I'm no Brian May, but I'm not going to pretend I don't fucking rock it up either) and passable lead vocals (my voice sounds kind of cool, but it contains pitching issues - see above: "nobody cares if you practise") is in a support role, if not a favour?

The answer, my friends, is 'paid work'.

Not 'Networking opportunities.' Not 'personal loyalty'. Not even 'A FAVOUR'.

Nope, PAID WORK.

I'm not complaining about having paid work - I'm complaining about how easy I was to manipulate. In the last (and my god I hope that also means 'final') band I was in, it took only 2 gigs before I was relegated onto bass YET A-FUCKING-GAIN. People can say all this stuff about the reasons why I'm a pussy or a chordophone snob, but the simple fact of the matter is that I'm not going to spend money that I don't have on a bass rig to play BASS IN A FUCKING COVER BAND.

AND THIS IS ALL THAT THE LOCAL SCENE WANTS OF ME? TO PLAY FUCKING BASS IN A FUCKING COVER BAND, FOR X AMOUNT OF MONTHS, UNTIL “FUCK YOU, PADDY, NO WE WON'T DO YOUR ORIGINALS NO MATTER WHAT WE SAID BEFORE”?

Thank goodness for The Wooten Files, at least that band has pleasant memories for me. Thank goodness for Psyclone and Magenta, at least my formative experiences were pleasant enough.

I have nothing at all against bass players or cover bands. In fact, my favourite local muso is a bass player (played bass in TWF), and my favourite local band (they know who they are) are a cover band. My favourite international bands all have awesome bass work, and do covers themselves. And I do enjoy playing bass.

BUT I AM NOT A BASS GUITARIST. I don't understand so many of the concepts anywhere near well enough. I don't DO IT JUSTICE. BECAUSE I'M MORE INTERESTED IN OTHER THINGS, LIKE NEARLY EVERYTHING ELSE BECAUSE FUCK BASS GUITAR AND WHAT IT STANDS FOR IN MY LIFE.

If you took your car to someone, would you want working on it:

Someone who wanted to be a mechanic, or someone who resents being a mechanic?

Same here, but with your ears and feet on the dancefloor.

Before this goes further, please let state that I am hardly referring solely to my last ensemble act. This problem goes back for at least 15 years.

But if people don't understand that I'm not the man for the job, basswise – and that there are MUCH BETTER BASS GUITARIST OUT THERE WHO ACTUALLY WANT THE WORK, well that's not my fucking problem.

And my word have I started saying that phrase a lot lately.

**************************************************************

It would be far too obvious to have picture of a buccaneer here, so I chose Michigan J. Frog instead.
Yes, that's his actual real name.
You're welcome.

3. YO HO HO, AND ALL O' YER CASH

People sometimes say that piracy doesn't affect local performers. That's exactly like saying that that the moon is a type of planet. It's sort of true if you have learning difficulties and don't understand how things actually work.

Seriously, you expect me to believe that you'll BUY my album instead of copying it from someone else? I've seen how 'people' act in real life and on facebook, and I'm well and truly done playing the trust game with other so-called 'humans'.

My favourite thing here is how people think it's not theft because it's not a real physical thing EVEN THOUGH IT CLEARLY IS, BECAUSE IT'S ONLY AVAILABLE ON CD (when I release stuff, I mean).

If digital information isn't real, then could everyone who says this send me their bank account details, please? What's that? NO? But digital information isn't real, so what's the problem?

Another classic one is how stealing an album isn't like stealing a loaf of bread, because you still have the album afterwards. It's not the ITEM that's lost – it's the SALE ITSELF. This is not exactly fucking rocket science here.

From my point of view, if you don't pony up the cash (or at least even TRY and barter), then I don't want you listening to my WORK because you're just stealing a SALE from me. How the FUCK is that so damn hard to understand? THAT A SERVICE/ITEM SHOULD BE PAID FOR?

And if you don't care about this at all, consider THIS:

Most of the facebook viruses and worms originate from scripts downloaded from p2p networks – aka 'digital piracy', via sites like The Pirate's Bay and the like. Next time your facebook (or even computer) is being shitty, it's probably because one of your family or friends pirated something and didn't even bother to protect themselves.

But whatever: They got to watch or listen to some shit for free, so that's okay. Doesn't matter that it hassles YOU. Not their problem.  Join the club, I kept your seat warm for you. Yes, that possibly is a little creepy of me to offer you a seat that I have bodywarmed. Moving on.

But whatever, I'm just a whiny little bitch for even bringing the subject up, because this is Australia and if you're poor it MUST be because you're lazy, because THIS IS AUSTRALIA, and we aren't thieves, even when we steal stuff. Mate, we stole a whole fucking country. One CD is PISSANT STUFF.

**************************************************************

This pic was taken from a house gig, which is something that I will still do occasionally.
It's the only way for me to hear certain artists, artists who share my love of music
and hatred of general public performance. Here's to ya, the Hefferon ladies!

4. Lack of local support from so many different quarters.

What it says on the tin. From random audience members to venues, most of my local scene are like vaginaless and assholeless hookers - in that they can just suck my fucking dick.

I performed my arse off, and the most I ever regularly got was $100 a night as a solo artist. That *one* venue at least gave me regular work, and treated me like a king when I was there. I will always remember them fondly for that. Perhaps it's because it was a managed by a muso.

Other people playing in certain other venues were getting $600 for the same show (actually, a less entertaining show, but now I just sound cocky).

I thought that sounded like a good amount of money. I called the people I needed to call.

“Cool, send me a promo kit.” they said.

Sorry, a fucking WHAT NOW?

I had performed for 20 years before I had even heard this phrase!

This is what I was told a Promo Kit is:

1 Professional Headshot (min price I could find - $150)
(this is a photo, not a sniper trick – ahahaha)
1 Bio
(which obviously doesn't mean the same thing as it does in online gaming)

1 Sample setlist
(Hey why don't I send you the ACTUAL setlist? This is getting dumb)
2 References
(because it's a 'performers resume')
1 website link OR YouTube footage link
(Mate, I just want to play a fucking show, not do a fucking world tour. I NEED A WEBSITE? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT SHIT FUCKING COSTS? YES, I SHOULD TOTALLY USE ONE OF THE FREE ONES, THAT WILL SEND A GOOD MESSAGE TO POTENTIAL CLIENTS. Fine, YouTube then.)

RIGHT.
SO.

To begin organising the Promo Kit, I thought I'd call my favourite local guitarist/band-member who will remain nameless as I don't want him being judged for my whining. Let's call him SIR GONDALES because it sounds Spanish and Spanish is cool, even though I don't actually know any of it.

Paddy: Hey, is SIR GONDALES there?
SG: You idiot, this is my phone.
Paddy: Can you prove it's you?
SG: I can.
Paddy: Are you going to?
SG: Nope.
Paddy: Okay, that sounds like something the real SIR GONDALES would say.
SG: Is this going anywhere? I was having the most wonderful wank.
Paddy: Wait, aren't you at work?
SG: (SIGH) “WHAT DO YOU WANT ALREADY, PADDY?”
Paddy: About your Promo Kit...

SG: Dude, WHAT Promo Kit?
Paddy: You don't have a Promo Kit?
SG: What the hell are you even talking about?
Paddy: I just called (removed) from (removed) and asked for some work. They said I needed a Promo Kit. You work for them, so I thought you'd have one.
SG: Nope. Didn't need one.
Paddy: Okay, thanks I guess. I'll let you get back to your masturbation then.
SG: Cheers, I'll be thinking of you.
Paddy: I'm strangely fine with that. Ciao, SIR GONDALES
SG: See ya, Paddy. Also, don't mix Italian and Spanish, it's tacky as fuck bro.

(Okay, I added that last part.)

So, ALREADY we can see it's one rule for the cool kids and one rule for everyone else. But perhaps they simply got in before it became company policy. That's not impossible, sure. Knowing the company in question though, I highly doubt it. But it's just conjecture at this point.

Seeing as I was unemployed at the time, and had been for basically my entire life up until then (unless you count music, which fucking nobody does, mainly because it makes it easier to underpay musos that way), I didn't have $150 just lying around (seriously, employed people are so fucking lucky, but most in my experience act like such self-important cunts about it, so fuck them anyway), so I went to my Job Service Provider, ignorantly thinking that they would actually do things to help me gain employment. WHAT A FUCKING MORON I WAS AND CONTINUE TO BE.

(All I will say is that this wasn't Mission Australia Employment Solutions, who are AWESOME, and by far and away the most human JSP I've ever interacted with, ever. I am certain that THEY would help me with my zombified music career even now, if I asked them. Which I won't, because BRAAAAIIIINNNNSSSSS!!!)

Obsoive:

Me: Hey, I can get some pretty good regular paid work if I can put a promo kit together.
JSP: And what's that, exactly?
Me: (explains)
JSP: So why are you telling me this and not just doing it?
Me: Because I need $150 for the pro headshot.
JSP: Can't you just get one of your friends to take a picture and use that?
Me: THIS IS LIKE A PERFORMANCE RESUME. THEY HAVE ASKED FOR A PROFESSIONAL PICTURE.
JSP: Okay don't get upset, it was just an idea.
Me: I don't think you're taking me seriously.
JSP: And I don't think you're taking US seriously.
Me: Excuse me?
JSP: Buddy, you want $150 FOR A PHOTO.
Me: YES. FOR MY PERFORMANCE RESUME.
JSP: Mate, I won't lie to you. That's not happening.
Me: Okay, what about this other job that's also part time, but pays less, is way more dangerous, and also I need $150 for equipment and travel and shit like that.
(I swear on the Aussie flag that this was exactly how I worded it)
JSP: THAT we can help with.
Me: Mate, I just made that job up just then, to prove a point. I'm leaving this office now, and if you need to mark this down as a non-attendance you go for it, but we're done here for now.
JSP: Now, look here, I-
Me: (soul-destroying glance full of hatred and barely contained murder)
JSP: See you next month then, Liam.

So as well as fucking over musos, they also had the view of:

"Fuck local photographers, they don't need work either."

Great attitude there, non-specific Job Service Providers that I have not identified.

YES, I TRIED GETTING A LOAN AND NO, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. I will say this though: Commonwealth Bank might not have said yes, but at least they weren't fucking laughing snooty cunts about it like every other mob I went to. The lady actually apologized that she couldn't help or think of any workaround. That ONE reason alone is why they're the only bastards that get to handle my money for the rest of my life.

For the record, Belle Young Photography is the go for local artists/bands, as they're prepared to discuss payment arrangements, and are also very friendly. I only wish I had discovered this when I still wanted to perform. Still, I know who I'll be going to for my next album cover. And now I'm working, I know Which Bank I'll be going to for a loan if  I ever need it, too.

I would like to also give a big shout out to Joffre St Productions, who are ideal for Launnie-based folks, and also do video. Just remember that quality costs, especially in larger cities like Launnie.

"So...Any old pic that a friend took?"
"No, it's got to be professional quality."
"Could I have that in writing? My Job Service Provider is...Hello? Hello? DAMMIT."

Anyway, as for how 'often' my friends came to see me. I obviously must not have been anywhere near as pleasant sounding as I trained to be, because very few people came more than once. Yes, I understand that many people are busy and broke, but don't expect me to take you seriously when I see what you're up to on facebook – you can go to a fucking festival year after year, but can't spend fucking 20 bucks on drinks in a local pub AT A FREE SHOW FOR AN HOUR OR TWO, ONCE OFF? If you don't want to see my show because you think I suck, or because I've offended you, or purely because I'm not famous - then FUCKING SAY THAT. Or if you're going to lie, at least put some damn effort into it.

I've lost more fans from interacting with them on facebook than I ever gained from interacting with them in real life. I'm fine with that. I don't need sexists, bigots, and pedophile apologists as fans. Actually, I do, because I need their money, which is kind of a problem for me personally.

"Oh you're so sensitive, Paddy. Does it really matter?" say all the people without compassion, like the inhuman soulless abominations that they truly are. Harsh? Mate, I'm holding my tongue here, I really am.

This matters because venues hire artists based on bar sales - which is fucking stupid if you ask me, but cover charges make people avoid a place (see also: “All art should be free”, as said by employment bigots worldwide), so they can't use THAT as a guide anymore.

So, the more people came to my shows, the more the bar sales would go up, the more work I would get.

In theory.

Except that nobody came regularly. INCLUDING old school friends, I can count on one hand the number of regulars who came to any given show. I will always owe you one, Paul! And MR BEARDO! (he knows who he is) and in the words of Mike Patton in the first Mr Bungle album: “THANKS MOM!”

Now, don't get me wrong: I really did appreciate it when many people came to see me, that one time. Especially some of the more busy people – I am sincerely honoured that some of the names-about-town came to see my little old self (Hello, Tracey)! ALSO: BIG UPS to the mainland crews (Hi Kylie!) who made time to see me in their Tassie visits. But while I can appreciate that on a personal level, I didn't understand that it was utterly useless to me on a professional level.

Perhaps others could have done more with it. I just know that I am not others.

“YOU SHOULD HAVE ADVERTISED, PADDY!”

Yeah, I DID. Next brilliant bit of input, Braniac?

“YOU SHOULD HAVE ADVERTISED MORE, PADDY!”

WOW. Who ARE you? Michael FUCKING Bay? What next? "YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD PYROTECHNICS, PADDY! MOAR 'SPLOSIONS, BRUH!"

Shall I tell you that story about trying to get cash for a professional headshot again, or did you 'get it' the first time? You can't get blood from a stone, mate. What part of 'I have basically been poor my entire life' didn't you pick up, exactly?

Why have I been poor?

Quite simply put, because I'm extremely fucking stupid, possibly mentally retarded. Not even joking. I thought performing was my destiny, it turns out it was only my density. Ahaha.

Because I've tried to do what I thought I was supposed to in society. Because people have lied to me. Because I've been stupid. I'm not saying I don't deserve poverty. I'm just saying I'm sick of it by now. I am certainly not complaining about it in and of itself (mainly because it's been largely my own fault), but I see no reason to pretend that it hasn't been a relevant issue in my life – a major part of my struggle. More on this later, with regards to my personal mistakes.

Anyway, I thought that videoing some shows might give me pretty good footage – and it did. But the sound quality? Not so much. Hardly inspires me to upload it – it would be like handing in a resume written in crayon.

There is ONE good show recorded. Guess why I can't get a hold of it? That's right. MONEY. At least I can't afford to transport something, at least that's a new thing! "Hopefully I can pick up more hours at my new job and money won't be so much of an issue any more." said Paddy, now that he was normal, whatever that means.

The amount of effort required to promote my act was mindblowing, probably because I never really nailed my branding. It wasn't that I didn't try to promote myself, it was that I sucked at it harder than a fleshlight attached to an industrial strength vacuum cleaner inside a space-time vortex. And by the time I realised what I actually needed to do, I had already undermined myself (by trying to be funny, and by mostly succeeding at it, even though I still don't understand HOW – I will never understand humour, which is another reason I didn't want to continue on that path– it made me feel FAKE).

See, I thought I was just going to go up on stage and play my heart out, and let everyone else decide what type of act it was.

WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT.

And I hate to admit it, but the right promo headshot would have actually fixed that issue from the beginning – it would have set the tone. Actually, in retrospect, I probably wouldn't have realised the importance of it at the time, and not taken it seriously – which would have been misconstrued as comical (like so much of my output).

I'll tell you what: If I ever do start performing in public again, I'm not even going to think about booking gigs until I have that damned Promo Kit bullshit sorted out.

**************************************************************

 

Perhaps if I simply removed all pretense at being a serious musician, that might work
out better, seeing as people just want me to be comical anyway?

It didn't work, but I don't regret trying. I would go to see that show myself.

5. No long term payoff, or even proof of time spent.
 
People sometimes ask me when I'm going to release an album so they can buy it, then wonder why I go quiet. I mean, that's a nice enough question right? What could possibly upset me about that?

Because the correct question involves the phrase 'next album' – I've already released 3, independently.

“BUT WHY CAN'T I BUY THEM THEN?” someone asks.

Because they were lost to the sands of time, because my BACKUPS OF MY BACKUPS failed. Hey, I failed at something else. See the pattern?

On a side note: god forbid that people should have just come to the show and caught the act there. But some folks live overseas and can't do that, and THOSE guys are the ones that deserve to ask when the NEXT album is coming out.

For the record (a joke, as they were all CDs), these were all from 2000-2010:

1. Private Salad (as part of the Electronica Smoke&Mirrors duo)
2. Travel Wrought (mainly acoustic stuff)
3. ADMIT ONE (Electronica/Funk/Rock)

And between them all, I managed to make 10 whole entire fucking dollars. See above: SUCKING AT STUFF.

Now, for all the live shows I've done, I've got nothing to show but the cash I got that night. No proof I've done them. No proof that I've tried for 25 years to feed my family by using my musical skills. No golden watch. No ANYTHING - apart from a vague-yet-infinite sense of failure at something that other musos seem to thrive at.

In the last 5 years, I've made exactly $50 from CD sales at the shows, with different recordings based on that tour. But these were just one-take bullshit promo stuff, hardly worth being called an 'album'. And yet they made me more money than the actual albums. Curious. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I put no effort into the recent stuff. I'm saying I put WAY MORE effort into the less successful, actual albums.

Tell me again how hard work matters?

I could write 3 whole albums and take years to record them, or I can just one-take some covers and make 5 times more money, over half the time?

And people wonder why modern music is SHIT.

FUCK THIS STUPID SHITTY FUCKING JOB.

**************************************************************

Here we can see a random musician, who is clearly just being lazy and not applying himself at all.
And they wonder why we think so little of them.

ACTUAL CONTEST:
Want to win some free cover music by yours truly? There's 'Easy' on guitar on one of them!
Just be the first to reply BELOW (you might need to make a Blogger account) and answer the following question:
"What is in my left hand here, and why?"

6. All of the above has led me to take recording more seriously than I ever have before.

See, another thing about those 3 albums is that while they contained pretty good songwriting and instrument playing/sequencing, they weren't exactly pro-quality recordings. And good recordings cost big money.

You can't get heckled on a recording. Oh, you can be criticized over it, but you're allowed to actually finish your damn job before all that crap happens. Also, it will be nice to play bass for my own music for a damn change.

So I want to record, because if I can't have money from the 25 years I pointlessly threw at this junk, then I will have PROOF that I didn't just sit on my ass the whole time.

But because I want to record it myself (sorry, I don't have 5K to spare on a local release of 50 albums), then I need to ignore everything I know already (OH YAY) and learn how sound engineering works for a bedroom producer.

Fortunately for me, I already have all the equipment I need (the main benefit of bartering your services when appropriate). HAHA! TAKE THAT, 'MONEY'!

It will just take more time than I have.

Oh wait – I have heaps of time now – because now I'm a Cleaner who only does this shit as a hobby – as I always should have been.

“What about piracy?” I hear you say

“Whatevs.” I reply, trying to sound like a 14-year-old girl, and sounding like middle-aged man trying to sound cool instead. I'm going to let fucking iTunes sort that shit out, that's what I'll be paying them for. I'm just going to have my music ready in their shop when it damn well suits me, and not even worry about piracy. I'm over it. Besides, it's not going to be my main income any more so my mind will allow me to ignore it (FINALLY).

*****************************************************

Me and my mate Steve, at my fave away gig ever: Crossroads in St Helens.
Sadly, it will probably be closed by the time you read this.

Bigups to Jan and Steve (the owners, not the dude in the photo), and also to Steve and Jan, in no particular order.
And Nadine and Jeanymaree and Bernie and Trish and Helene and Boots and oh god now I'm crying, seriously

A short break, before we hit the big one.

Any non-biased person reading this can see where I've blamed others for my own mistakes. I haven't tried to hide that. I'm saying that I never understood how society worked, and that being a performer has NOTHING to do with being a musician. I think that's an important case to make, because until recently I thought I was doing okay. But I was failing miserably, that's obvious now.

I honestly had NO IDEA that that was the case. THIS is why I argue with people about my intelligence: This is NOT rocket science, if I couldn't see THIS, then I don't deserve the kudos of even having a standard intelligence. Now, I don't feel bad about it, I don't think it makes me less of a person, and don't see why I should lie about it. In fact, I wish that some people were less intelligent, they might be more pleasant to be around. Also, I'm one of those people. That's actually a win in my eyes.

I thought I was my social responsibility to be a muso, I honestly did.

I thought it was what I was here for.

I thought it was my reason for being, my destiny, my fate.


I thought that turning my back on music would be evil.

WHAT.

A.

GORMLESS

FUCKUP.

I.

WAS.

It is my sincere hope that someone reads this, realises what a complete and utter fool I was, and then proceeds to at least make DIFFERENT mistakes, if any.

I NEVER WANTED TO BE A PERFORMER.

I JUST WANTED TO SHARE MY LOVE OF MUSIC AND THE HEALING THAT IT BRINGS ME.

BUT I GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH MY OWN EGO AND THE ATTENTION THAT BEING COMICAL BROUGHT ME, AND BECAME OBSESSED WITH THE IDEA THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY BECOME FAMOUS ONE DAY, BECAUSE OF ALL THE AWARENESS I COULD BRING TO CERTAIN ISSUES, BUT MAINLY BECAUSE OF MY STUPID OVERSIZED EGO.

There.

I FUCKING SAID IT.

Bring Christianity and Aboriginal Spirituality into the mix (see above: Destiny, Fate) and I was doomed from the start.

I RICKI LEED MYSELF. (Remember that from the first Aussie Idol? Everyone assumed that someone else would vote her, because everybody loved her, so in the end not enough people voted for her.) By assuming that I understood the world around me at different times, I have made stupid and self-destructive mistakes.

Having said that: I still maintain that I could have just gotten by – with a little more help from my friends. Or if certain JSPs would have done their job. I don't see how any of that was my call. But ultimately, I still would have gotten burnt out, I would just be a little more comfortable financially after 600 dollars a fucking night instead of fucking 100. Who knows? Perhaps I might not have even burnt out? Too late now though. When I quit facebook, it lightened my heart immeasurably, as I knew I could avoid everything about facebook which destroyed my good mood, everyday. Really, it should be called 'twofacebook', or 'behindyourbackbook', or 'bunchofsnobsbutalsosomeofyourfriendsbook'.

And I feel exactly the same about performing. I kind of wish I was still religious - purely so I could Thank God every day that I never have to do this horrid soul-destroying (for me) work ever ever again. As an Atheist there's nobody but me to thank, and I don't fucking deserve it because I made it happen in the first place. It's like I pushed myself into the water and let myself half-drown. I'm not being grateful for THAT.

And any of you pedo-apologists that think that God would have helped? I BEGAN this journey as a Hardcore Christian, and some of the places this journey has taken me is what made me lose my faith in the first place. When you're groomed for something by a church (that, in a bizarre twist of fate, actually wasn't 'child abuse' for once) AND an ancient religion, you tend to go along with it when you're a stupid kid, especially if it makes you feel good. Doesn't mean it's the truth for a second, though - just like all the other bullshit that the largest pedophile networks in the world peddles to us. Oh, sorry: 'Churches'.

OF COURSE I'M FUCKING 'BITTER MUCH'.

What a question!

**************************************************************

"...it had a been a lame fuckaround. A waste of time." - Hunter S. Thompson.

7. The actual reason: A question I asked myself recently.

 
“If I need to get a job to be able to share (or even effectively advertise) my performances, then why don't I just keep ALL the money from THAT job and quit performing, if performing isn't going to bring me the joy OR money that 25 years of effort would imply?”

And THAT question right there is the ACTUAL reason I no longer perform.

All the other stuff is part of it, sure – but this right here, this is the actual reason. The irony is palpable – I actually know how to go about it now. I just have no interest any more. I would be a pretty good manager for a new start-up artist at least – if I didn't think that was wildly irresponsible, I mean. It's not 1970 anymore. Music is not about music anymore. If it ever was.

Look at Justin Bieber – I'M SERIOUS. Here was a 14 year old kid who wrote heartbreaking songs and played them on YouTube just because he had the outlet to do so. He wasn't worried about audio quality, or branding, or any of that shit.

Now, years later, he's hated worldwide.

If he'd just stuck to YouTube and concentrated on writing soulful tunes, his career might have taken a different path. It also might not have gone anywhere. But he probably wouldn't be hated worldwide.

Actually, you know what? Forget EVERYTHING I just said in this entire post.

Because when I start looking to Justin Bieber to make sense of anything ever, THAT'S REASON ENOUGH TO QUIT PERFORMING FOREVER, because I have clearly LOST MY WAY.

Point is: Don't worry about me mate – I'm HAPPY AS FUCK in my new life. And for the record (because my initials are LP) I am still more than happy to do house parties, and perform for my FRIENDS.

Because, looking back, that's who my real fans always were: Friends who did support me. And if my lot in life is to perform for those who're worthy (i.e. not bigots etc.)? Well, I've already got my audience, haven't I? And it will be good to start downsizing my ego (now that I don't need it for performing), in line with my new life. It can only make me happier.

And the simple fact of the matter is this: 25 years is a fucking strong innings, even if I rarely kicked goals, and even if I mix my sports metaphors.

If nothing else, I at least showed determination. And THAT I can take pride in, if nothing else.

Sadly, it took more than I had. I can see that now. And I can forgive myself for the mistakes I made, because each time I either didn't know better (a kid believing religion) or felt forced to choose the lesser of two evils (choosing 'poor advertisement' over 'no advertisement').

But I didn't quit. That's SOMETHING.

Uh - until now, at least.

Wait, does that mean that I SHOULD feel bad? Because FUCK THAT SHIT.

This is how trying to organise a public gig with me goes now:

Me: I can't. I'm busy that night.
Them: I haven't told you the date yet.
Me: Yeah, I'm pretty busy in general, what with also being a time traveller and part time ghost hunter.
Them: You don't need to be a dick about it.
Me: We'll see. How much were you going to pay me, exactly?
Them: BLAH BLAH BLAH A MERE PITTANCE (I don't even bother listening now)
Me: That's weird, I thought we weren't allowed to be dicks about this, but that amount is just plain offensive. See ya. DICK.
Them: MY NAME IS JANE (or whatever)
Me: Okay my bad, bye bye Dick, good luck hiring bums off the street for that amount of cash, or more likely a DJ.

Because I will force you to entertain me for free in that conversation, because fuck you and your offensive pittance, you fucking jobsnob. What? You won't hire me after that? Mate, YOUR loss, not mine. All I missed out on was getting ripped off. Let's see your fucking DJ write multiple songs on the spot with random patrons, thereby creating a memorable evening (Say the words 'Chaos In The Carpark' and 'MonkeyFishLove' to the old King of Burnie crew and they'll still wet themselves - true story). No, have fun dancing to stuff that's probably already in your damn iPod, and you're basically only paying the DJ to plug HIS iPod in and press fucking 'Play'. Or 'Shuffle' if he's one of the REALLY classy MP3 DJs.

I only know one person who actually spins disc, and therefore actually deserves to be called a DJ. And his named is Benny Bonsai, and you should hire HIM whenever you can because he GETS IT, MAN. 100% serious.

Anyway, this is how trying to organise a public gig with me is supposed to go:

Me: I can't. I'm busy that night
Them: You don't even know the date.
Me: Yeah, I'm pretty busy in general, what with also being a time traveller and part time ghost hunter.
Them: You don't need to be a dick about it.
Me: We'll see. How much were you going to pay me, exactly?
Them: Well, I'm paying for fucking 25 years worth of experience here, so let's haggle, motherfucker.

THAT'S THE CORRECT RESPONSE. (Curse words are optional though.)

Guess how many times I've heard it?

Actually, ONCE is the answer. And they got one of the best gigs I ever gave.

So, now I have one gig left on the books, ever. It's at the (removed) in (removed) in about 2 weeks, and it will be a fucking corker gig which I will enjoy, which is the only reason I didn't cancel it on general principle. After that, I'm DONE. I am divorced from performing, I am an ex-performer, it is part of my past.

(UPDATE: In a turn of events that probably surprises absolutely nobody, that gig was cancelled by the client. In the past I would have looked for another gig on that night. Now, I'm considering buying a cigar.)

People always think they're special. That the rules don't apply to them. Some people will still ask me if I will do a public gig. And I will quote Hunter S. Thompson when I reply:

"Fuck no! Not today, thank you kindly."

(Liam S Padmore still does house gigs and charity work for people who aren't jobsnobs, bigots of any stripe, or pedophile apologizers. Contact him today (if you're reading this, you probably know how) if you would like his services, or even just some free music/performance advice. But if you're going to ask him about doing any other type of public performance after you've read this, well...frankly, you deserve everything he says to you, but you should probably hang up or leave the area very quickly if you don't like 'negativity'.)