#4: "To Boldly Go..."

"Stop playing those games, now." - NKTOB, 'Games'

(Hi, Leanne! :) )

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Picture it: The tavern is named "Ye Olde Coop's Brewery", and it is owned and run by a veteran Dwarf Axemaster known as 'Olde Coop' - hence the name of the place.  The atmosphere in the bar is warm and homely. There is a fire glowing in the hearth, and a large axe hangs over the bar. The blade of the axe seems to glow from within, as the light from the fire plays along its sharp edges.

A raspy, weather-worn voice, the dwarf known as Olde Coop himself clears his throat and addresses his patrons, his friends, and the many people who come somewhere in between:

"Greetin's, friends and travellers! Fancy a wee nip? Now - yer all here t' listen t' the Bard Paddy wax lyrical on the joys of life or some such philosophical musin's. Just remember, it's all about respect, fun and games."

Olde Coop's glance turns towards the large axe on the wall.

"But if yer here t' cause trouble - Well, then I'll just let me old mate 'Choppa' do the talking, I reckon. Now, ye can either stay, or ye can be gone - it's all the same t' me. Either way, I'm late for a gatherin' of Axe Users Anonymous. Stay well, all - and don't drink too much. Well, unless yer paying wi' cash, o' course!"

As Coop leaves his bar, his trusty bar workers take note of the jobs that still need to be done around the tavern. When the Bard begin talking, they stop and listen occasionally, but they have their jobs to do. Although many folks are still talking among themselves (which is normal for this sort of occasion), the Bard's voice can be clearly heard above all the rest.

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Howdy gang!

I would like to talk to you about something which affects us all.

(Also, pretend I did a huge build-up and stuff, would you? I really can't be bothered right now. You know the type: 'many people from all walks of life', 'from the gutters to the stars', 'deep down in our hearts' - you know, all that heart-wrenching stuff. Cool, thanks. Love your work.)

I would like to talk about teamwork.

We are all on a team called the human race, regardless of how vomit-inducingly corny that it sounds. We work in teams in our job(s), and often in our hobbies (especially sports and gaming). Nearly every single thing we want to achieve in our lives revolves around teamwork, because we need teamwork to achieve things that we can't achieve on our own. Anyone who's ever been in a long-term relationship can attest to that. Either because it worked out for them, or because it didn't. Every single part of being in a relationship is related to team work. All the good stuff, and all the bad stuff.

I recently discovered (about 5 years late) the very awesome team-based zombie-shooter called "Left 4 Dead". Gone is the macho, one-man-army paradigm - it's all about the team! It got me thinking about Clans, which ultimately got me thinking about Guilds. Then I thought I'd write a blog. You know, because I could. And stuff.

As a wonderful side note, the very excellent Mike Patton (who you may have heard in Faith No More and then proceeded to have wished to have been impregnated by) is the voice of the Infected - the enemies in Left 4 Dead.

Now - I would like to tell you all a (very boring) secret: Though I am a huge MMO fan, I have never joined a guild in an MMO game in my life.

I predict that most folk either just said one of three things, which I would like to address:

If you said: "GOOD GOD! ARE YOU INSANE, MAN? WHAT STALE MADNESS IS THAT? THAT'S SUICIDE, THAT IS!" then this is for you:

You may already know where I'm going with this. Feel free to skip to the "The Leader's Paradox" section.

If you said: "So? Neither have I!" or "Who cares?" or any variant of it, then this is for you:

Good for you! Skip directly to the "The Leader's Paradox" as a reward for your independence.

Unless you actually said "Who cares?", in which case I must question why you are reading this, and I formally invite you to 'sally forth and engage in copulatory activities'.

(And slap me sideways if that isn't the best euphemism I'll ever come up with. Nope, I topped it immediately with 'slap me sideways'. Oh well.)

And finally, if you said: "What the hell are you talking about? MMO? Guild? Say what now?" then this section directly below is for you:

*** MMOS: In which the author explains MMOs, so that you don't have to.

Or something, or whatever. ***

Okay, MMO stands for Massively Multiplayer Online  - which actually explains everything about it, I think (apart from the fact it's a type of video game). There are many types of games which use this model, but people usually think of fantasy games like Guild Wars. Or - ugh - World Of Warcraft (you know the drill - it's like the Holden/Ford thing.). There are two types of teams in MMOs - PUGs (Pick-Up-Groups, in other words 'random people') and Guilds (permanent teams, like a sports team). In some games, being in a Guild can make a huge difference. I could spend ages talking about it. In fact, I obviously intend to. But here are the basics, for the moment.

• Guilds are formed by players, then other players join. They can team up for most of the game content, from Player Versus Player (PvP) to Player Versus Environment (PvE). Some players (like me) don't join a Guild.
• Guilds often have equivalents in other MMOs. In Star Trek Online (STO), there are not Guilds, but 'Fleets'. Anyone who's played a first-person shooter online (like Call Of Duty, or Counter-Strike) is aware of how 'Clans' work, which are very similar to Guilds. In fact, anyone who's seen any of the The Big Bang Theory episodes revolving around their 'Halo nights' would have a (very) basic idea of what's expected.
• Being in a Guild can have certain bonuses, which vary wildly from game to game. In Guild Wars (GW), you can have a private place which is appropriately titled a 'Guild Hall', to which only your Guild members have immediate access. In STO, there are Fleet-Specific combat maps, extra inventory/storage space and another costume slot. Both games though, for instance, allow access to a 'Guild Member Only' channel.
• Earlier, I compared Guilds to sports team. In much the same way as real-life sports teams, Guilds are all about branding. In most MMOs, you can pick not only a name, but also a guild symbol/motif. The sense of community that these small acts can convey is, frankly, astounding.
• Also similar to sports teams, there can be professional gamers. Still, even in the amateur community, the competition can still be pretty fierce. At some point, for many people, it soon becomes like a second job. Especially with some of the end-of-game content for some games - Raids are like an assault battle, often attacking other guilds. It is often treated just as seriously as you would take amateur sports. Cracked.com has a (very funny) list of the reasons why it's like a job, but the essence of it is that other people complicate the crap outta things, but we still need them to achieve things that we can't on our own.

Hey - there's our good friend again - the phrase: "to achieve things that we can't on our own."

And there you go - you're basically up to speed. There is other stuff (of course), but this is all that a non-MMO-gamer needs to know in order to understand the rest of this particular post/blog.

*** The Leader's Paradox: Because it sounds artsy and posh.***

Yeah, I've never joined a guild - but I've started quite a few. Let me back up a bit:

When I was younger and could just sit around playing video games, I did so - and with great fervour. Indeed, it was (insert long and boring story about being good at video games HERE, but without any of that 'before it was cool' hipster crap. Well, maybe just a little of it. Because Atari 2600, Commodore 64 and SNES, and mostly because Amiga 500, dammit. Hey, look - I fit my long and boring story in here after all!) and I haven't looked back since.

So, in my circle of friends (Yes, I have some - stop giggling) I am often the pathfinder, at least for PC games. You know - because they didn't waste their childhoods. My point is that it was a completely natural progression for me to start a guild. Guilds, even.

I started playing MMOs with Guild Wars. A real-life friend (see? - I told you I had some!) called Adam Johnson (Johnno) was also playing it, and we wanted some funky capes (all capes are funky - which should be the name of a Don Bluth movie if it isn't already) like everyone else had. So we asked around in the game, and we found out you simply had to be in a Guild. Okay, cool. How do we do that? So, we find out that you have to buy this item. It wasn't cheap in terms of the in-game currency, but at least it didn't cost us any actual cash (for which I will always love you, NCSoft/ArenaNet). So, we worked together and each threw in some gold and viola! - within a week of casual playing, 2 guild capes! With our own (picked from stock images in the game, not custom) designs on it, in colours we picked. Forever. AWESOME.

Now, what most folks do at that stage is go recruiting, and try to add members to their guild. I work the opposite way - with only one notable exception, I know every single person in my various guilds in real life. Being in a guild is, for a lot of players, another responsibility. Me, I'm all about 'this is a GAME - have fun!'. So I think that having me as a guild leader must be awesome, because I don't ask anyone to do anything, ever. Some folks wouldn't like that though - so they don't join my guild, they join other guilds. 

Which is fine by me. And them. Yay for Gamocracy!

(Also: Yay for making words up!)

But I need to put some info in here about Guild Recruitment and things like that, even though I've never done it myself. What to do, what to do...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you 'Coop' of a Dwarven Axemaster from World Of Warcraft.

*** MY INTERVIEW WITH "COOP, UBER AXEMASTER" ***

Coop: Greetings, everyone.

Me: Okay Coop, so when did you first begi-

Coop: Hold up a moment there, Paddy...

Me: Yes, Coop?

Coop: I saw what you said about World Of Warcraft up there.

Me: Uh... (I wave my hand in front of his face) No, you didn't.

Coop: (clears his throat, then glares at me)

Me: (I wave my hand in front of his face again) Uh - You saw nothing.

Coop: Friend, you ain't a Jedi. Also, that's the wrong universe so it doesn't work on me. Just sayin'.
Me: (I shuffle uncomfortably as I notice how ridiculously sharp his axe is. Still, it's quite shiny and I like shiny things. It's all sparkly-glowy. It's neat. I dig it.)

Coop: Can we hurry this up? I've got a raid to get to, and I need to sort out my inventory before that.
Me: (I clear my throat) How long have you played World Of Warcraft for?
Coop: In the Dark ages of PC gaming (about 1994) there was an awesome game called Warcraft - Orcs vs Humans....World of Warcraft is the progress/evolution/mutant child of that....I have been playing World of Warcraft - 5 odd years...

Me: How long have you been in your Guild for?

Coop: An interesting question...Coop as Coop has been in 2 Guilds - Strength by Numbers (a casual raiding guild), and Make It So (Hardcore Raiding - with casual Aspects...)

Me: How did you join the guild?

Coop: There are a few ways to join a guild...The first is playing along and being helped or helping someone. If you have an uber awesome time someone usually says "Hey - you want to join my guild? We have chocolate" or some other miscellaneous item to lure the unwitting to the spiders den. Alternatively someone could remember how you saved their bacon - hmm bacon, and say "Hey that Coop, he can really swing an axe - let's invite him to our uber awesome fun" - I have even started a couple myself...

Me: In your own words, explain the recruitment process.

Coop: "Um I'm uber cool, have an axe, let's go kill stuff?" or for an official, yet made up on the spot guild advert "Guild Blah Blah is a social guild, looking to recruit like minded players of any level for random raids.".

Me: Are there any 'Rules of Conduct' in your guild?
Coop: At the basic level - its who ever sets the rules, and has the power to kick you out - as the guild gets larger/more organised rules associated with conduct and loot generally emerge.
Me: Can you give an example of when your guild had to deal with a 'problem member', and how they resolved the issue?
Coop:  See this Axe - just not for decoration. (Seriously, that's all he said. I was afraid to ask for any more information. Shoddy interviewing, I know - but dammit I LIKE my face as it is. It's the perfect face for radio, you see.)
Me: How many members are in your guild?
Coop: It's a trick question, because most rosters contain Alt[ernate] characters to pad the numbers. In saying that, a guild with, say, 40 regular members will have a listed membership of 150.
Me: How many of your guild members do you know in real life?
Coop: Probably 9 that I have communicated with out of game persona.

Me: So, Warcraft, eh?
Coop: (Coop glances at me sideways, somewhat suspiciously.) Warcraft.
Me: That's from Blizzard, isn't it?
Coop: Yeah, it is - and what of it?
Me: Is there a Secret Cow Level?
Coop: (Coop retrieves a whetstone from his satchel, and slowly drags it across his Axe blade. All while looking at directly at me.The thought springs from out of nowhere that I am at least 3 city blocks away from the closest possible fresh change of pants. When he jumps up from his seat without warning, I very nearly require the aforementioned pants.)
Coop: Right, I've had enough of you. I'm leaving. Good day.
Me: But we haven't fini-
Coop: I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR! (storms off)
Me: Man, Dwarfs are grumpy.
Coop: (off in the distance) I HEARD THAT! And the correct plural is 'Dwarves' when in a fantasy setting, you ridiculous fool! (his voice fades off into incoherent mumbling, but if I heard what I think I did, then not ONLY was it the rudest thing anyone has ever said to me, I'm also certain that it's actually physical impossible. Unless I buy a goat. And that's not happening, because my favourite goat vendor is currently plum out of goats.).

Ah - you haven't lived until you've been insulted by a Dwarf, my friends. :)

***Epilogue***

So - here I am. My favourite MMO (Star Trek Online - STO, thanks for asking) has just updated to what they call 'Season 6: Under Siege'. As a short aside, I honestly think that Steven Seagal would make a kick-ass Klingon. And I know that you saw what I did there, but I'm certain that what I did last summer I can't be bothered actually writing the rest of this gag.

Ahem - Fleets. STO, my MMO of choice, has now introduced special Fleet content. Special ships, and combat maps, and quests, and presumably Fleet partridges-in-pear-trees and Fleet kitchen-sinks as well. So, I thought I'd make a Fleet.

I went to sign up. Guess what? You need 5 people in your current team in order to form a Fleet.

GOD.

DAMN.

IT.

I could ask my friends to join, but none of them like the game. Hey, what can I say: it's Free-To-Play - but it's not a game for everyone, it's true. I could always ask strangers in-game to join, but that feels icky. I could join a Fleet - a specific Fleet that I was actually invited to join recently. A Fleet that doesn't care if you're a master of the game, or if you only play once a month. A Fleet which has a polite and well-mannered leader who leaves you alone when you ask them to. A Fleet that invites you to game with them, and doesn't get upset because you had other stuff to do. A Fleet that totally understands that you might be called away to be a dad (or a mom) at any time, because it's full of different types of people who all work together to achieve a certain goal.

("...to achieve things that we can't on our own.")

That's what it seems like on the outside at least, judging from my interactions with them. Hell, maybe I should do it just to say I've done it once in my life, a bucket list type of deal. I can always leave if I don't like it, I suppose.

You know - reading back over on what I've typed there, it seems as though I've already made up my mind without realizing it. Paddy's going to join a Fleet!

Well gang, this is the perfect opportunity to use a classic Kirk quote, I think. No, not Kirk Cameron. SHEESH. The awesome William Shatner's Captain Kirk. Anyway, he's called a meeting of all his officers, and he's telling them about this opportunity that they have to find out a bunch of very useful stuff, but also that the knowledge can only come at great personal risk to their body and minds. 

At least I don't have to worry about my body from gaming and joining a fleet, I suppose. 

(Looks at gut) What? BEER did that! Beautiful, beautiful beer.

ANYWAY - Kirk then tells them that he won't order them to do it. If they want to do it, fine. If not, that's fine too. No incentive or punishment either way. And then he comes out with this simple line, which I will always hold dear because I am huge Star Trek geek in that way:

"Risk is our business! That's what this starship is all about - that's WHY we're ABOARD her!"

So, I'll see you all soon - I think it's time for me To Boldly Go where I haven't gone before.

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(Liam 'Paddy' Padmore is a bitch-ass punk nub who doesn't take lip from any griefers. He owes his steely resolve to time spent with his friend Coop The Dwarf AKA Dean Sparkes - who also wrote the brief intro story. Paddy would also like to thank Johnno for introducing him to MMO gaming, and he does so frequently. Seriously, dude - Johnno says he understands and that you are very welcome and would you please stop it now. He also says to stop typing stuff in and making it sound like it's actually coming from him when everyone knows that it's still Paddy typing this crap in here, in a futile attempt at meta-comedy. Cheers.)